Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Randomize
