Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Randomize
