apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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