I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Randomize