I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
He shit in the fireplace
Randomize
