My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
