OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
