If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
