I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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