he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Randomize
