Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
