white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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