Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Randomize
