Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Randomize
