can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Randomize