Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
