Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
