are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
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