Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
I just made out with a guy for $7.
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
