Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I need to wash the frat house off of me
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
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