i will never coherently bang her
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Randomize
