Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Randomize
