There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
as a side note pls kill me
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Randomize
