Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
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