dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
