oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
I need to stop coming to work sober
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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