i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
