speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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