you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Don't tell me you're on acid again
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
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