Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Randomize
