I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
