You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Randomize
