I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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