my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
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