i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Randomize
