I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Randomize
