She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
