guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
I think a kid would responsible me up
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
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