is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
