so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Randomize
