my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
Is it because I queefed?
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Randomize
