eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
