chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
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