There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
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