I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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