Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Randomize
