I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Randomize
