Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
