I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
