I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
