How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
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