Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
