Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
