btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
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