I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦🏼♀️
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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