And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Randomize