He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Drunk is a universal language darling
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
