I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
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