Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
