We won't sleep together?
i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Randomize
