I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Randomize
