we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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