maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
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