Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
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