well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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