the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
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It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
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Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
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