I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
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