Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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