I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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