I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
