THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Randomize
