your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
i'm signing you up for texting rehab
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Randomize
