i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
We have so much sex to catch up on
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Randomize
