I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
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