You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
