PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Randomize
