How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
Screwed.edu
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Randomize
