Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
