She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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