It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
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