What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize
