She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
Randomize
