I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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